Letters to a friend 27.07.2011

Hi V***

I don't feel ready to share thoughts in the manner of Khalil Gibran. I need to experience more in life before that.
One chapter however I could totally identify with with "Talking" :)

When I opened "So spake Zarathustra" randomly yesterday, I found this :

MY BROTHER, when thou hast a virtue, and it is thine own virtue, thou hast it in common with no one. To be sure, thou wouldst call it by name and caress it; thou wouldst pull its ears and amuse thyself with it. And lo! Then hast thou its name in common with the people, and hast become one of the people and the herd with thy virtue! Better for thee to say: "Ineffable is it, and nameless, that which is pain and sweetness to my soul, and also the hunger of my bowels." Let thy virtue be too high for the familiarity of names, and if thou must speak of it, be not ashamed to stammer about it.

You wrote it could be a blessing to see the world in black and white. I don't believe this. The world is grey. Men have created black and white, good and evil to find bearings in their world and all of their good, all of their evil is cultural and also helps them to differentiate themselves from other men ("we do/eat/think this, the others don't so we are better" is the common equation).
So mankind is still used t to seeing everything in terms of good ad evils, because it is so comfortable.
But nothing in the world is naturally good or evil, naturally black or white. The things just are. Passive. We need to go beyond this good and evil and acknowledge again the shades of grey in the world.
Probably this is gonna make us suffer, because suddenly nothing is easy, and safe any longer. But who wants a life in safety? I don't. Just as I don't want to find peace withing myself. Peace is death or, if you're alive, it is lethargy. Where nothing happens any longer and all movement has ceased.
For me I want movement, doubt and pain because there I feel alive, know something is happening. Every answer I received is questionned for what I search are questions, not answer, not certainties.
I am thankful for this chaotic inner world I don't understand myself. What I try to do is not regulate it but simply acknowledge it. Only if I don't torture it to an answer will it show under some shape, at the right moment. And then disappear again.

I feel like a kind of vase. The outside is what you see, but the inner, the empty side of the vase is what is important. The vase is ready, not expecting. You can fill it with water, or put a flower in it and it's role is different. People see the flower, but the flower is shown only thanks to the emptiness of the vase. So this is what I strive to be. A vase.
And after my death, I would like to be this place in high grasses, where the grass is smashed against the earth because someone before you has been lying here. Just an anonymous shape of smashed grass, in which someone new can come and lie down.